


Ugly Ducklings

by Aja



Category: Nobuta wo Produce
Genre: M/M, Yuletide, Yuletide 2007
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1002992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aja/pseuds/Aja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I love these three so very, very much - thanks to Jain for making such a charming request. (Sorry I couldn't work Nobuta/Mariko in this time around, but it's there in the background, really!)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Ugly Ducklings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/gifts).



> I love these three so very, very much - thanks to Jain for making such a charming request. (Sorry I couldn't work Nobuta/Mariko in this time around, but it's there in the background, really!)

 

 

The thing about Akira is that Shuji knows he can never, ever stop moving around him. Because if he stops moving, if he just stands still long enough and lets Akira keep _going_ , there's a part of him that knows Akira won't stop. That if he just stands still long enough Akira will tumble them over the edge or something, he'll do something embarrassing and it might change things.

Shuji stares at the nape of Akira's neck from behind, watching the hair curl and flick around in the wind, watching him watch the ocean. The moments when Akira is still are almost the worst. The moments when he stops moving, and Shuji is left with the gutting sensation that he could _still_ tip right over the edge. It could happen, he could just lean forward - 

only if it happened like that, then _he_ would be the one touching and holding and - 

He's watching Akira watch the ocean, and he has to shove his hands in his pockets, not casually the way Akira's are - but then there's always a chance buzzing around in the back of Shuji's brain that nothing about Akira is ever nonchalant.

He could do it, he thinks, and takes a step forward. He could tip them both right over. But then the balance would be gone and he knows they might never get it back.

The thought of how much he's starting to think that's a worthwhile risk - one kiss, one kiss wagered against three friendships - scares him and shames him. If the three of them aren't perfect already just as they are, as they should be, then what was the point of last year, their finding each other? 

Why can't he be satisfied? 

Akira looks back over his shoulder. Whatever the look on Shuji's face is, it's enough to make him take his hands out of his pockets and stand up straight. His hair is layered with bronze from the sunlight, and he's stopped smiling. 

Sometimes if Shuji is looking at him, Akira catches him off guard by being stunning: the outer layer of awkwardness drops away, revealing strength and grace beneath, fully formed if only he would show it. 

Lately for Shuji, it's all the time. He sees Akira's beauty all the time. He doesn't know if it's because Akira has changed; if it's because Akira isn't afraid or if Akira has grown up or found his place at last, or if it's because he - Shuji - is suddenly obsessed. 

"Hey," Akira says. "Shuji-kun."

Shuji looks around. The beach is empty, but the seagulls are squawking accusingly. He shrugs in response. 

"Shuji, here," Akira says. It's more of an order somehow when it's delivered as it is without any sweeping hand gestures. Shuji thinks, _I don't want to stand near you_ but he does anyway. The two of them right beside each other, and now it's Shuji's turn to stare out at the sea while Akira stares at him.

"It's scary," Akira says quietly.

"Yeah," Shuji says after a moment, and it doesn't matter that he doesn't know what Akira's talking about.

"It's scary, but I need to know," Akira says. "Shuji-kun." His voice is harsh on the word, hard and serious, and Shuji turns and looks at him, fear blooming all along the middle of his stomach.

"I'm sorry," Akira says, lingering over the word. "Sorry, Nobuta. Sorry, Akira." 

Shuji's eyes fall shut, and then their foreheads are touching. "Sorry, Shuji," Akira murmurs. 

Shuji doesn't know who moves first, or if there is a first. It doesn't matter once they meet. Akira kisses him sloppy and awkward and deep, like he knows he's making a mess of things but can't help himself, and Shuji tries, he tries to hold back but he can't. Akira's hands are pressing against his arms, just pressing like he wants _so much_ , and Shuji pulls him forward so their arms are woven together, woven around each other. He doesn't think of the last time he was this close to someone, let someone wrap their arms around him. 

Akira sighs and pulls their bodies together, even closer, and warmth washes over Shuji. He settles into the kiss, even if he can't quite relax - emotion is there like a wind-up clock just waiting to spring into alarm inside him. As long as he can keep kissing Akira it won't go off. It won't go off, and they can just be like this.

Akira sighs a little sigh and pulls away long enough to cup Shuji's hand in his cheek.

Shuji thinks: _don't say it, just don't say anything_.

Akira looks him square in the eyes, suddenly serious, suddenly a fully grown man, and Shuji, all at once, feels like the youngest, the little kid among them both. Among them all.

"She'll understand," Akira says.

It should have been the wrong thing for him to say. Instead Shuji sees himself nodding, sees himself shrugging it off like the person he thought he'd left behind.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, she will. It's Nobuta."

Akira nods, and Shuji wonders who he's trying to convince. His lips are tingling and he's aware of the sand in his shoes and the wind in Akira's hair.

"Hey," he says.

Akira nods again, and steps forward, and then their noses are bumping and Shuji thinks that maybe Nobuta has nothing to do with this. 

Maybe, he thinks, even if she does, this can be okay. Just maybe.

_____

Akira's dad puts him up in his own flat in town. Akira always just stays at Shuji's place anyway so Shuji's never really appreciated it til now. But now it's a space to be alone, to lie back and talk and touch, like a private version of the rooftop of their old school. 

A private version with no Nobuta.

Akira is fantastically less touchy now than before. He doesn't hang all over Shuji now that Shuji actually wants him to. He does things like running his thumb over Shuji's when they're alone. Stands too close to him in public. When they're together like this, mostly Akira just talks and plays with Shuji's hair.

And it's nice. Except Shuji wants things he didn't even realize he knew about two weeks ago. Things he's not sure he'll ever be able to voice aloud. The worst is when Akira looks at him like he knows, like they're on the cusp of something completely new, completely their own. The way Akira looks at him then, Shuji isn't sure he wants to hold back, and he hates himself for that.

He's running his hand over the flare of Akira's stomach when Akira says, "Nobuta's coming," while looking at the ceiling instead of at him.

Shuji feels all of a sudden the way he felt when Nobuta tried to hug him. He takes his hand away and sits up. 

"Here?" 

Akira looks over at him, unsmiling, watching him carefully. "Here."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did."

Shuji thinks, reaches for an excuse. "Yeah, but there's not enough time. We have school during the day. And she's got her exams too."

Akira folds his hands behind his head and says cheerfully: "Bullshit."

It's totally bullshit.

"You just don't want her to know," Akira says.

Shuji says, lamely: 

"Know about what?"

Akira rolls his eyes. "Stop pretending all the time," he says. 

Shuji thought he had. He wishes he could.

___________

Nobuta comes and the sunshine comes with her.

"Welcome ho-ome!" Akira singsongs when she shows up at their door, head bent a little less low, a little less awkward than Shuji remembers. She gives them both a quick glance, not-quite straight in the eyes, and then smiles in that awkward way of hers.

They jostle each other for space on the doorstep. "We made dinner," Shuji says. He's smiling too.

"Correction - Shuji made dinner," Akira says. "Number one chef in Japan!"

"I can tell Mariko you cooked for us," Nobuta says. "She'll be proud of Shuji."

Shuji thinks of Mariko, her small hands, her pretty smile, her delicacy and her sweetness.

Akira tickles him in the ribs.

Nobuta's smile is bigger now.

"Hey," Shuji says. The words, "We missed you," are on his tongue, but with the two of them looking at him, he can't force them out. "We got you something."

"Yes!" Akira says, and hauls them both inside.

"Willow," she says, when she sees it.

Shuji scratches his head. "It's scrawny, but it'll be fine," he says. "Once you plant it."

Akira is watching her face. "We want to plant it," he says. "The three of us. We can plant it anywhere in the city." He laughs. "Anywhere in Japan."

Shuji grins at him. Nobuta looks back and forth between them both. "This is where I met Shuji," she says. "Beside Willow."

"We thought we'd start a new tradition," Akira says. "We're all meeting again, right? For the first time. Together."

"Together," Nobuta says. She reaches out and touches one of the fronds of the tree they have potted for her. It's too tiny even to call it a sapling, Shuji thinks. But it will grow into something majestic.

He thinks of the day on the beach. Wonders if they've ruined everything. He looks over at Akira, wondering what's in his head, but Akira is watching Nobuta. There's nothing hidden about his affection for her - for either of them, if Shuji's being honest. It's written all over his face, the way his eyes crinkle with it. Akira brims over all the time, but he's stunning when he's full of love; and Shuji thinks: _I wish I could be like that._

 _Shuji can become anything he wants,_ Nobuta says in his head.

Anything he wants, Shuji repeats. He hasn't really started yet, he thinks. Becoming anything at all.

He shoves his hand in his pocket and takes Akira's elbow.

"Um," he says. "There's something else, too."

Akira's eyes widen and then narrow. Nobuta looks at them both.

Shuji swallows. "Me and Akira," he says, and slides his hand down Akira's arm to tangle their fingers. "We're like this now."

He doesn't want to look at Akira directly but he can feel Akira's stare anyway. Like he's glowing.

Nobuta's confusion is apparent, or at least it is until Akira leans against him and slips his thumb over Shuji's.

"We played a game," he says. "I dropped roses." 

He ruffles Shuji's hair. Shuji closes his eyes and breathes in, breathes out.

When he opens them again, Nobuta's eyes are wide and attached to his.

"Shuji... Shuji can get hugs now," she says softly.

Shuji feels his face turn red. He nods a little awkwardly.

Nobuta says, "Then I hope Akira hugs Shuji every day," and Shuji seriously wants to hug her right now.

Akira says, "Shuji and Nobuta, free hugs all the time," and flings his arms around Shuji. Shuji laughs in a half-remembered protest, but Akira just clutches tighter anyway - and then the two of them are tugging Nobuta there in the circle with them both, and they are all three shoulder to shoulder, arms around each other.

"Under the willow," Nobuta says. "Shuji and Akira can meet there like Shuji and Nobuta did." 

"We will, if you want us to," Shuji says seriously. "We'll go there every day if you want til you can come back again and see how much it's grown."

"Shuji's grown too," Nobuta says. She sounds proud, Shuji thinks, and again he feels like the youngest, as if really the others are producing him, and have been all along.

Akira looks at him. "Shuji has grown the most," he says. He kisses Shuji's cheek. 

Shuji looks at him. "One to grow on," he says, and kisses him, open-mouthed. He can tell the moment Akira's eyes close, and Shuji leans in closer, letting himself relax and enjoy this. Akira reaches up and brushes the side of Shuji's cheek with his thumb, warm and reassuring.

And suddenly it's as if the windows have been thrown open, and Shuji can see them both the way they are-the way Nobuta sees them and always has. It feels as if the world and their three lives are finally, finally, falling into order, not out of it. As if really, nothing has changed at all - maybe sharpened a bit. Or maybe just transformed.

He leans into Akira's touch and puts his fingers over Akira's where they rest against his cheek. When they finally separate, Akira is grinning at him. Nobuta isn't the only one who can make his eyes crinkle up like that. 

Nobuta looks up at him. "Shuji is smiling a lot," she says. 

Akira cups his hands around his mouth and says: "Yes!" 

Shuji is hard-pressed to keep from grinning. So instead he shrugs. "Nobuta power," he says. He taps his forehead with the V of his fingers.

"Finally," Akira says, in a bored voice, "Shuji-kun figures it out, the way to get _best power_."

Shuji does grin back at this.

 _Finally_ , he thinks, and kisses Akira again.

 


End file.
